Holidays are not happy for everyone. Most people over 30 have some level of loss that we feel more acutely at this time of year. It can be the loss of a person or pet, the loss of a dream or a job, the loss of functioning as our bodies age.

We often admonish ourselves to cheer up, put on a happy face, or practice gratitude instead of leaning into the grief. I think this is a betrayal of our hurting selves. We don’t need platitudes or denial when we feel sad. We need arms around us.

We need our own compassion and permission to feel the sadness until it passes. If we ignore it or worse, shame ourselves for feeling bad, the pain will just last longer. It’s having our own comfort and empathy that allow the feelings to move through us and resolve.

So, instead of discounting or dismissing your feelings, try validating them instead. There really is a good reason you feel this way. And you’re allowed to feel it until it passes.